Friday, January 05, 2007

10 New Year's Resolutions

that made me laugh

1. I resolve to give up coffee this year. It leaves too little space for beer.
2. I resolve to stop pretending that smoking helps me lose weight. Technically, coughing is not an ab exercise.
3. I resolve to stop exercising. It's a waste of probably educational TV time.
4. I resolve to find out why I really "need" 11 email addresses.
5. I resolve to buy all my lottery tickets from a luckier store.
6. I resolve to slow down as I drive by the gym on the way to get ice cream – out of respect.
7. I resolve to stop opening the fridge every fifteen minutes to check if the Snickers fairy has visited.
8. I resolve to give up shouting advice at reality TV stars. If they were smart enough to listen, they wouldn't be there.
9. I resolve to eat more vegetables. (Chocolate comes from beans)
10. I resolve to avoid doing meaningless bullet-point lists in an attempt to meet post count.